Monday, January 30, 2006

Is it really worth it?

One of our brethren in church had a skiing accident during the holidays. The first time I saw her with crutches was really a blow in my gut because I never imagined that such an independent person has now become dependent on others.

But despite her condition she continues to manifest that zest for life. She even told me that all the pain was worth it because skiing gives her that sense of freedom. She feels invincible while skiing down those slopes.

Contemplating on her views made me realize that there are some pains and anguish that we go through in life that can fall under the category of being "worth it". I can't help but admire those people who take on big risks regardless of what the outcome may be.

As for me, I still prefer the idea of taking a calculated risk. It gives me a sense of security somehow.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

When Enough is Enough

It was 3:30 a.m. in my watch when I woke up from a dream. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided to just scribble something down. I guess I wasn’t alone coz after a couple minutes I got a SMS from one of my girlfriends in HK. She’s one of those lonely hearts nowadays but I know she’ll snap out of it when time comes.

I just wanted share this song I heard this morning when I woke up and I guess this is my subtle way of putting my message across.

If the Feeling is Gone
Ella Mai Saison

If the feeling is gone
Please don’t pretend
That you still love me
I can see it in your eyes
And it hurts to admit it
But I can tell that the feeling is gone

All I ask is just a little honesty
Though I know you’re not coming back to me
You know I’ll do everything to make you stay
But I just have to let you go
If the feeling is gone

There’s a sadness in your smile
But you try to conceal it
I can tell that the feeling is gone

All I ask is just a little honesty
Though I know you’re not coming back to me
You know I’ll do everything to make you stay
But I just have to let you go
If the feeling is gone

Touché! Sometimes, we expect to be told that certain things are over. We deserve some honesty because in one way or another we are part of the whole picture. There will never be an easy way to break somebody else’s heart but some things are inevitable. If you know there will not be a substantial thing between you and this person you consider special then maybe it’s time to say enough is enough. Ate Cons, hope you’ll be able to read this.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006


Yesterday I read the news about this kid from UPLB who passed away a couple of days ago due to hazing. I felt sad that up until now there are still people who advocate intense form of welcoming neophytes into their so-called brotherhood. This kid happens to be our brod in our academic org. My brods and sisses are saying he is a vibrant kid who contributes well in our org.

Not one member of our org knew he was joining this fraternity. This fact of course raised a few eyebrows. One brod said we ought to look out for the welfare of one another. Now is certainly not the time to point a finger at one another. This is one of those times when silence and prayers will go a long, long way. The loss of a friend is like a loss of the limb. No amount of words can provide comfort perhaps. But even if we are unable to say something nice let’s just be there and say a prayer for the family and friends of the passerby.

In the world we live in, we all make choices. Whatever we choose we can’t blame others for the repercussions. Life is short so we better make the most of it. In this world we are all passersby, no matter how long we reside here let’s make it a point that we make a difference in other people’s lives. It is not always about the length of time but how we’ve lived our lives that counts.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Confusion or Fear

I was trying to get a couple of minutes rest during my lunch break when my attention was caught by this pile of papers that stood in this space ever since I can remember. No one even bothered arranging it for fear that the owner of these pile of papers or garbage might get lost when she comes back.

Then a thought struck me. This thing being portrayed by the picture clearly depicts the type of feelings I had yesterday. Everyday they say we encounter something new. Sometimes, we like what we experience and sometimes we are hurt by the things we thought would make us happy.

I'm sure every single person here wants to get into a relationship. There will always be a time when you know in your heart that you wanted to be with someone. We have this strong desire for a long lasting relationship but somehow when we are about to plunge into the relationship we feel an odd reluctance of actually being involve. "Ambivalence" is another way to describe the situation. In reality, however, this is a protective move to keep you from taking a risk. An ambivalent person is looking for a guarantee—a certainty of being right. It's a battle between the heart and the head.

A friend of mine once told me; that I should stop rationalizing things and that I should just follow what my heart tells me. I told her that I will never agree with her on that because I've tried listening to my heart and where did I land? In a miserable situation that I will never choose to do all over again. Now, I guess I'm allowed another shot at life. Another shot at loving and being loved in return but why am I still afraid to reciprocate a love handed over to me. There could be many reasons. I'm afraid I will never be good enough to handle things. Another thing could be my fear that other people will not approve of "us". And really the big issue is the differences in our beliefs. Who ever said loving is an easy thing to do? In my case it's too complicated and it sucks but should I be afraid of taking a risk? I shouldn't be. A friend of mine told me the other week to lift everything up to my Creator and He will provide me the answers. True enough, I know which way to go now.

In my moment of confusion and fear He gave me the strength to stand up and face my problem. Not everything is life should be borne alone because we have a friend in Him. When all else fail, He will shed light to our bleak path and carry us on His shoulders that we may be triumphant in our every endeavor. Will I fear to love? No! Because this is what keeps the world going. And one thing is for sure in every joy and pain we experience in loving, we become better people. Oooppsss! By the way that is a man's choice. So it's up to you if you will choose to be happy or you will choose to be gloomy. I, however chose LIFE!

Friday, January 13, 2006


Last January 1 I went to the airport to see some friends off as they embark for Japan. Just a quick glimpse at this little kid and holding him in my arms made me realize that really as fast as the days are passing me by, then the wait will never be long.

Last January 4, I saw another friend off as she left for China. She didn't like the idea of seeing us before she left but I told her, I will feel sad if I didn't see her off.

Whoever said parting ways is easy? It never was and never will be but I gain comfort in the thought that whatever oceans or continents that separate me from my family and friends, those things will never hamper me from being a friend for them in every little way I can.

Separation is inevitable. It happens to everyone; it's just a matter of coming to terms with life’s realities. That no matter how we hold on to someone, there will always come a point in our lives when they will leave us behind and we have to let them go with open arms. That is the true essence of loving.

They may not leave us physically but somehow people can distance themselves from us. They say the only constant thing in life is change so we have to ride with it. Was it just yesterday when I spent most of my times hanging out with my girlfriends as we explored life and found how wonderful it was to be free. Now everyone is settling down and starting a family. I can't drag them out of their houses to travel and just see places. The reply would be, "I can't go coz baby needs me" or "I can't stay late because baby is waiting for me." I know this is just a phase in our lives I have to get used to. I don't feel bad at all because I've come to terms with the changes that around me. I'm happy that our family has gotten bigger and I'm happy to note that no matter how many changes happen in our lives my friends and I will be the kind of friends we've always been to each other. The simple joys in life come from knowing that come hell and high waters we have friends who will be there through and through.


People from different places vary in the manner they decide over certain things. In Indonesia, people always had a habit of taking their time out deciding on certain things like they have all the time in the world to contemplate on things before blurting out whatever it is they want to do in life. In my home country however, decisions are concluded in matter of minutes or seconds.

When I got back I had to decide on certain things for my family but it seems to me that I’m contending with too many forces. I even came to a point when I said, “What the heck it’s their life anyway. Let them choose whatever path they want to take.” I can only do so much. When do we ever say we’ve had enough of all the things going on around us? One thing I’m sure of family will always be family. You may not always agree on things but the love and respect that should be accorded to one another should remain. So I guess I will continue putting up with whatever it is that my family will do and decide. Should I tire? I guess I never should.