Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Light heart

There are many things that people go through in life and more often than not we carry a heavy heart if we are unable to resolve the many conflicting emotions we hold within our hearts. I’m sure there are those who spent sleepless nights trying to decipher what went wrong and how they can make things better. There are those who drown themselves in liquor to somewhat blot out those situations that make their lives miserable. Others even turn to drugs to feel better. However, there are other healthy ways of dealing with these kinds of conflicts. One would be talking to our ever reliable Creator who never judges us immediately but listens to us with a compassionate heart. He uses instruments to get to us. It could be our friends, or family.

Yesterday, I’ve firmed up my decision about moving on. There are certain chapters in our lives that we should close to face the succeeding ones. Finally, my Creator gave me a physical manifestation of his approval. I felt ecstatic! Sometimes, we have to go out of our comfort zones to see that there is more to life than what we are seeing right now. So looking forward to opening other chapters of my life story.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

My Dearest Mom

Last Sunday was Mother’s day. Well just one of those days when I really missed my mom. I called her and greeted her. Everyone was there except for me. Of course they had prepared all the yummy stuffs again and they just SMSed me what they had for dinner.

I love my mom because for countless reasons. She’s given so much to us. But more often than not, we fail to show our gratitude to these women who’ve given us their lives so we can be better persons. I love my mom because she takes care of us even if we are adults already. I remember those days when we were still kids; she would usually bring lunch to us in school because she wants us to eat hot meals. She would neatly pack things in that Jollibee lunch box she bought from Manila before. So we would be the envy of other kids because we always have good lunches with our mom. I also remember how every Sunday she would prepare something special for the family. And we always had superb food when she is around. Plus I will never forget how she would reward us if we do well in school. She would buy us Chippy which was like my all time favourite snack when I was a kid. I remember the time when my sister got sick, her WBC count was high that we thought she would have leukaemia. My mom cried so hard and she did everything so she can bring my sister to Manila for her treatment. She sold all the pigs she was raising then to obtain money for my sister’s medication. And when my sister was restored back to health my mom gave her a grand birthday party when she was 9 years old.

Since then, my mom’s attention was always for my sister and my younger brother. I felt like she never really loved me. There was even a point when I thought I was not a member of the family. I had that feeling until I was in college. I thought how unfair my mom can get. When I was sick she never bothered helping me enrol in my classes. Mind you I had chicken pox then so just imagine me going around UPLB trying to sign up for a subject and paying for my tuition. I felt like an outcast because people where moving away from me. After that I just felt like I hated my mom so much. Then one day when she gave me a good scolding for reprimanding my younger brother, I decided to write her a long letter of how bad I felt all those times when I felt like she never really cared for me. When I was writing that letter I was sobbing like crazy. I wanted to pour out all the heartaches I’ve been bottling inside me and so I did. After which I went back to LB to continue my studies and I told myself I will never go back to where they live ever again. But I guess mothers will always be mothers. She went to LB and she had a hard time looking for my dorm. She never really knew where I lived then because she never helped me move to my dorm because going to LB was my choice and they didn’t approve of that. She didn’t see me then but she left my favourite food in the dormitory. I cried when I saw the food because I know she exerted so much effort to find me. That was the beginning of our good bond between us. And she showed me everyday how much she loves and cares for me. Even if I’m far from them now she never tires of letting me know how much she loves me. I will always love my mom. She will always be the best mom for me. They may be showing different kinds of attention to their kids but we must always remember that they will always love their kids equally. Sometimes we just have to understand that we have siblings that need more attention than we do but it doesn’t mean if we are not getting as much attention that our mom loves us less. There is a saying that goes “Mom knows best.” So we have to give it to them. So while we still have the chance, let us show how we appreciate our moms.
So what did I get my mom for Mother’s Day… I wanted to give her a garden of flowers tapi gimana? So I will just show her this for now.
The Tail of the peacock - a colorful display of flowers
Taman Bunga Nusantara - A place of beautiful flowers

French garden

French garden - pillars

Bunch of pink and purple flowers

Dancing Fountain

Ma, I'll make you see nice places soon. So be patient. I Love you Ma!;)

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Chillin’ Out

Last April 30, my churchmates and I went to Ancol, the famous theme park here in Jakarta. The weather in Selatan (south) was not favourable. But it was a good thing TransJakarta brought us safely to Kota (city). There were some glitches along the way but we all made it to Lost Kingdom our first stop. It was really hot in there that everyone didn’t even want to go around and watch the animal shows. I on the other hand enjoyed watching the dolphin show. I felt like a kid who was so giddy just seeing the dolphins do their tricks. I was amazed that the dolphins understood Bahasa Indonesia. That only goes to show that even animals can learn a language.

After being lost in the animal kingdom we went to Ice World. Everyone was not keen about getting inside this cold place because they said they might get sick because the weather was so hot in Ancol then we wanted to go inside Ice World. Well, I guess after seeing all the people rushing to get inside the place everyone decided to go inside. That was my second visit to Ice World. The first was with my friend Styar. I guess she’ll share the pics from there soon in her site. I came there ready the 2nd time. So I lasted there longer than my first visit. One thing I’ve learned from the whole exercise. I really can’t survive in a cold area. That place was like -10ÂșC. My student told me he’s been to a place way colder than that. We had a good time chillin’ out though.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Wake Up!

I’m not a perfect person. I’m just like everybody else wishing for a better life for my family so to speak. Almost 2 years ago my fate brought me to this foreign land where I thought life would be kind to me. I came here blind and not knowing what was in store for me. I was like a kid who dreamed of having a nice balloon and then I was lured by a person into this direction where I can get this balloon I so desperately want. When I got to the place where I’m suppose to be given that balloon, I was disappointed as hell when the balloon was handed over to me. But what can I do? I can’t go back anymore. I was stuck in this place hoping that a miracle will change my fate. When I try to look back at those days, I knew I tried to have a happy disposition. The first year of my stay here was sort of my escape from my previous life. I tried my best to find myself and I believe that all those times Papa Lord saw my heart and He gave me the chance to find the peace I’ve been wishing for. I’ve learned to be patient and to listen to people. I’ve developed my listening skills. So when I heard my calling I answered His calling. It was not a difficult decision, one day I woke up having this great desire in my heart to learn from Him and to be of service to Him. My life then was filled with this longing to be put right with my Creator every waking moment of my life, unmindful of the many negatives forces that surround me because I have this reassurance that I shall triumph over all these negative forces.

At present however, I bumped into something and I woke up from my illusory dream for a change to occur in my environment. I’ve endured long enough and I’ve awaken to the truth that not all the people whom you’ve considered your friends will stand to be a friend in every sense of the word. There are those who will ruin your faith in people, in righteousness, and in justice.

In my lifetime, I’ve been with many different types of people. I guess I was destined to be in a situation wherein I must learn to get along. In those situations, I just learned to say “yes” and to never complain. One of my close friends told me that one of my weaknesses is my inability to say “no”. My friend said I have to be assertive. I have to be firm with my NO if I really wanted to say NO. I ended up saying NO to my friend a lot times because with that person I can be true to myself.

Today, I came to a firm decision that enough is enough. I know that God has given me a bigger responsibility and I want to take on that challenge. However, my stint here shall soon come to an end because I have chosen to put an end to it. I know there are still other places I can go to where I can continue to do my task and where I can make a difference in other people’s lives. To my family and friends who’ve always been supportive of my choices thank you for helping me cope with my day to day battle. To styar, thanks for pushing me to see the light and thanks for the wake up call.