Thursday, August 31, 2006


Whenever I get the chance to travel I would jump for it. Just this month I went to Hongkong and Shenzhen, China. I had a great time doing stuffs with my friends.

Geez! I’ve never seen so many Chinese in one place than what we saw in the Immigration area. I had a feeling all the Chinese flocked in that area on that faithful day when we entered Shenzhen.

The food in there was really bountiful. I can’t imagine how people there can finish so much food in one sitting but I’ve seen how they’ve manage to clean the whole big serving of dishes.

Have a peak at what it is like to be in China.

- that's me with hitler!

longest bridge in HK

spicy chinese cuisines

isang palangana na ulam - di kinaya ng powers namin!

starbucks in shenzhen. lasang instik

napagod sa shopping

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Light heart

There are many things that people go through in life and more often than not we carry a heavy heart if we are unable to resolve the many conflicting emotions we hold within our hearts. I’m sure there are those who spent sleepless nights trying to decipher what went wrong and how they can make things better. There are those who drown themselves in liquor to somewhat blot out those situations that make their lives miserable. Others even turn to drugs to feel better. However, there are other healthy ways of dealing with these kinds of conflicts. One would be talking to our ever reliable Creator who never judges us immediately but listens to us with a compassionate heart. He uses instruments to get to us. It could be our friends, or family.

Yesterday, I’ve firmed up my decision about moving on. There are certain chapters in our lives that we should close to face the succeeding ones. Finally, my Creator gave me a physical manifestation of his approval. I felt ecstatic! Sometimes, we have to go out of our comfort zones to see that there is more to life than what we are seeing right now. So looking forward to opening other chapters of my life story.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

My Dearest Mom

Last Sunday was Mother’s day. Well just one of those days when I really missed my mom. I called her and greeted her. Everyone was there except for me. Of course they had prepared all the yummy stuffs again and they just SMSed me what they had for dinner.

I love my mom because for countless reasons. She’s given so much to us. But more often than not, we fail to show our gratitude to these women who’ve given us their lives so we can be better persons. I love my mom because she takes care of us even if we are adults already. I remember those days when we were still kids; she would usually bring lunch to us in school because she wants us to eat hot meals. She would neatly pack things in that Jollibee lunch box she bought from Manila before. So we would be the envy of other kids because we always have good lunches with our mom. I also remember how every Sunday she would prepare something special for the family. And we always had superb food when she is around. Plus I will never forget how she would reward us if we do well in school. She would buy us Chippy which was like my all time favourite snack when I was a kid. I remember the time when my sister got sick, her WBC count was high that we thought she would have leukaemia. My mom cried so hard and she did everything so she can bring my sister to Manila for her treatment. She sold all the pigs she was raising then to obtain money for my sister’s medication. And when my sister was restored back to health my mom gave her a grand birthday party when she was 9 years old.

Since then, my mom’s attention was always for my sister and my younger brother. I felt like she never really loved me. There was even a point when I thought I was not a member of the family. I had that feeling until I was in college. I thought how unfair my mom can get. When I was sick she never bothered helping me enrol in my classes. Mind you I had chicken pox then so just imagine me going around UPLB trying to sign up for a subject and paying for my tuition. I felt like an outcast because people where moving away from me. After that I just felt like I hated my mom so much. Then one day when she gave me a good scolding for reprimanding my younger brother, I decided to write her a long letter of how bad I felt all those times when I felt like she never really cared for me. When I was writing that letter I was sobbing like crazy. I wanted to pour out all the heartaches I’ve been bottling inside me and so I did. After which I went back to LB to continue my studies and I told myself I will never go back to where they live ever again. But I guess mothers will always be mothers. She went to LB and she had a hard time looking for my dorm. She never really knew where I lived then because she never helped me move to my dorm because going to LB was my choice and they didn’t approve of that. She didn’t see me then but she left my favourite food in the dormitory. I cried when I saw the food because I know she exerted so much effort to find me. That was the beginning of our good bond between us. And she showed me everyday how much she loves and cares for me. Even if I’m far from them now she never tires of letting me know how much she loves me. I will always love my mom. She will always be the best mom for me. They may be showing different kinds of attention to their kids but we must always remember that they will always love their kids equally. Sometimes we just have to understand that we have siblings that need more attention than we do but it doesn’t mean if we are not getting as much attention that our mom loves us less. There is a saying that goes “Mom knows best.” So we have to give it to them. So while we still have the chance, let us show how we appreciate our moms.
So what did I get my mom for Mother’s Day… I wanted to give her a garden of flowers tapi gimana? So I will just show her this for now.
The Tail of the peacock - a colorful display of flowers
Taman Bunga Nusantara - A place of beautiful flowers

French garden

French garden - pillars

Bunch of pink and purple flowers

Dancing Fountain

Ma, I'll make you see nice places soon. So be patient. I Love you Ma!;)

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Chillin’ Out

Last April 30, my churchmates and I went to Ancol, the famous theme park here in Jakarta. The weather in Selatan (south) was not favourable. But it was a good thing TransJakarta brought us safely to Kota (city). There were some glitches along the way but we all made it to Lost Kingdom our first stop. It was really hot in there that everyone didn’t even want to go around and watch the animal shows. I on the other hand enjoyed watching the dolphin show. I felt like a kid who was so giddy just seeing the dolphins do their tricks. I was amazed that the dolphins understood Bahasa Indonesia. That only goes to show that even animals can learn a language.

After being lost in the animal kingdom we went to Ice World. Everyone was not keen about getting inside this cold place because they said they might get sick because the weather was so hot in Ancol then we wanted to go inside Ice World. Well, I guess after seeing all the people rushing to get inside the place everyone decided to go inside. That was my second visit to Ice World. The first was with my friend Styar. I guess she’ll share the pics from there soon in her site. I came there ready the 2nd time. So I lasted there longer than my first visit. One thing I’ve learned from the whole exercise. I really can’t survive in a cold area. That place was like -10ÂșC. My student told me he’s been to a place way colder than that. We had a good time chillin’ out though.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Wake Up!

I’m not a perfect person. I’m just like everybody else wishing for a better life for my family so to speak. Almost 2 years ago my fate brought me to this foreign land where I thought life would be kind to me. I came here blind and not knowing what was in store for me. I was like a kid who dreamed of having a nice balloon and then I was lured by a person into this direction where I can get this balloon I so desperately want. When I got to the place where I’m suppose to be given that balloon, I was disappointed as hell when the balloon was handed over to me. But what can I do? I can’t go back anymore. I was stuck in this place hoping that a miracle will change my fate. When I try to look back at those days, I knew I tried to have a happy disposition. The first year of my stay here was sort of my escape from my previous life. I tried my best to find myself and I believe that all those times Papa Lord saw my heart and He gave me the chance to find the peace I’ve been wishing for. I’ve learned to be patient and to listen to people. I’ve developed my listening skills. So when I heard my calling I answered His calling. It was not a difficult decision, one day I woke up having this great desire in my heart to learn from Him and to be of service to Him. My life then was filled with this longing to be put right with my Creator every waking moment of my life, unmindful of the many negatives forces that surround me because I have this reassurance that I shall triumph over all these negative forces.

At present however, I bumped into something and I woke up from my illusory dream for a change to occur in my environment. I’ve endured long enough and I’ve awaken to the truth that not all the people whom you’ve considered your friends will stand to be a friend in every sense of the word. There are those who will ruin your faith in people, in righteousness, and in justice.

In my lifetime, I’ve been with many different types of people. I guess I was destined to be in a situation wherein I must learn to get along. In those situations, I just learned to say “yes” and to never complain. One of my close friends told me that one of my weaknesses is my inability to say “no”. My friend said I have to be assertive. I have to be firm with my NO if I really wanted to say NO. I ended up saying NO to my friend a lot times because with that person I can be true to myself.

Today, I came to a firm decision that enough is enough. I know that God has given me a bigger responsibility and I want to take on that challenge. However, my stint here shall soon come to an end because I have chosen to put an end to it. I know there are still other places I can go to where I can continue to do my task and where I can make a difference in other people’s lives. To my family and friends who’ve always been supportive of my choices thank you for helping me cope with my day to day battle. To styar, thanks for pushing me to see the light and thanks for the wake up call.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Growing Old with You

I have several friends who have their own families now. Others have kids and they are busy going about their day to day lives. Some are still waiting for their own bundle of joy. And still others are waiting for that “perfect mate”.

In my recent visit to Bali, I came across this couple who brought a smile to my face. While my girlfriends and I were strolling down Kuta beach, we saw many picture-worthy things but the picture of this couple going to the beach every afternoon to catch fish made me hope for a beautiful sunset in life. For the two days we spent in Kuta Beach we saw this couple and just seeing them supporting each other and enjoying those moments they spent together. I was just too shy to take a close up picture of how delighted they were every time the man can catch something in his line. They said they do this every day to relax and at the same time to have something to cook for dinner. Such simple joys in life! I then came to realize that there are still a lot of people who enjoys the simple things in life.

So I guess growing old with someone who enjoys a simple life is worth every step a person takes. I want to dedicate this song by Adam Sandler to that couple I saw in Kuta, Bali.

"Grow Old With You"

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad

All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks

Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you

Kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you

Feed you

Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink

I could be the man who grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Looking forward

For a working Filipino, it is but normal to look forward for holidays because it is during those times when you actually spend your day doing “meaningful” things.

I on the other hand, I’m looking forward to spending some time with this girlfriend of mine who is coming over to visit Indonesia. I guess everyone who will be visited by a “kababayan” whenever you are away gives this sense of elation. And being free from work can be a relaxing thought especially if all you ever do is work and work.

Oh how I wish Charl can join us for this vacation. But her sked won’t allow her to be with us. Ei, Charlie babe Happy Birthday! Don’t despair someone will come to ease all your heartaches. Just look forward to those days when the sun will smile and give you a warm feeling. It is not very far so just hang in there.

Everyday life unfolds its mysteries and that makes us yearn for tomorrow. Now ain’t it a good feeling to know that we have something to look forward to?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

A Poem for Mikey

Sometimes I tend to ask how come the heart a person possesses leads a person to make false judgements. Is it because the heart never thinks? It just feels and they say feelings can be misleading. But who are we to stop the heart from beating and feeling? Are we truly capable of hampering our hearts from expressing its wants and desires?

I am sharing with you a poem written by this man for that one person he values the most. Can one person love this much? What are you willing to go through for the sake of loving a person? Will you remain faceless or will you boldly declare to the whole world your love for that person who means the whole world to you?

Loving someone is a wonderful thing. When can love be “right” then? I believe we will find enlightenment in the book of truth. Sometimes all it takes is having faith in the truth. Let’s not judge instead let us learn…


When the world gets dark
And you feel that the future is unclear,
Let me be that bright light
That will make all your fears and uncertainties disappear.

When you feel different and that the whole world is against you
And you feel that everyone has deserted you
Just look inside yourself and believe in me,
Because I will never ever leave you.

If for any reason the ones you love betray your trust,
And you face heartaches and disappointment,
I will give all the love in the world that you’ll ever need
Without any condition or resentment.

If all you do is your best and the whole world still frowns upon you
And you feel that they will condemn your actions in any way
I hope you will make it a point to look inside your wonderful self,
And realize that I will be there for you every step of the way.

The past may not have always been kind to you,
And the future might just bring the same fear in you,
From now on you should never be scared,
For I am willing to walk the farthest ends of the earth with you.

There will always be people who will try to bring you down
And try to poison you with things that they try to stress as “right.”
When that happens, just have a little faith,
Hold on to me, and you’ll see our future will always be bright.

And these things that I say will always be true
Because I have found a great person in you.
So smile and embrace the world as you live each passing day
Because “I love you so much,” as I would often say.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

The Bum

I’ve never imagine that one can actually be content being idle for a long period of time, until I met Mr. Bum. This is the one person I met who tends to shy away from the world. He locks himself up in his room and spends the rest of the day dreaming about the girl he fancies. He is waiting for the day when she will come and rescue him from his drab and bleak life. He said he wants to spend the rest of his life with that girl.

What a pity! Just imagine what will happen to the girl if they end up being together? Not that I am trying to put down Mr. Bum, but like hello! Shouldn’t he be doing something about changing his stars and not just be content of what was given to him? I remember the story of the master who left different talents to his servants. The two invested their talents so when the master came back he was pleased with the 2 servants while the 3rd one buried the talent in the ground. So the master got mad and took away everything from him and he was thrown out of the master’s place.

I’m sure no one chose to be poor. But that is just a phase in a person’s life. If one would choose to rise above the situation, I believe things will be better for that person. I’m sure God gave each and everyone one of us a talent, we need to use it so that when the Master comes back we can be proud to show him that we’ve been good stewards.

Mr. Bum, stop complaining about how life is treating you. Stop being such a pessimist. Change is constant in life so if you learn how to go along with change you won’t find yourself losing at the end of the journey. Don’t wait for someone to save you from your miserable state. Rise and fight a good fight!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

My Day

I woke up today with a grateful heart because my Creator gave me another year. I have so many things to be thankful for the past year he gave me. The thing I’m most thankful for is receiving “peace” from Him. Despite the many tribulations and hardships still He never ceased helping me triumph over those trials.

He gave me two gifts big gifts today: a) two additional students b) Canada news

It gave me a boost because little by little I’m inching toward my personal goals. He is providing me the means to save some more $ so I can accomplish mg plans soon. Also, He gave me a new window to consider. I always believed that great things come to those who wait patiently and those who put their trust in the Lord. I hope I will have a clearer picture of how things should be in the next few weeks.

This morning also, I felt an aching for my family. I miss them so much. My mom texted me and she gave her wishes for me. I cried because this is the 2nd year I’m not with them and I guess I will never get use to the idea that I’m not with my family. I miss those big days of mine, when my mom would wake me up early morning to greet me and she would ask me, “ Tess, ano gusto mo agahan.” I feel special when my mom does that. Today, she is preparing afritada, binagoongang baboy, inihaw na liempo and pansit for me. She prepared a little something for my big day even if I’m like miles away. Oh how I miss my mom now especially when she reminds me everyday that she loves me.

I went out to have lunch on my own because no one here in my office remembers it is my big day. Since, this is a place where you hardly fine pork, I went to this Chinese place where I treated myself to a helping of pork dishes mixed on top of your rice. Here they call it nasi campur (pronounce C in campur as CH). This is my handa for my self.

Some of my really good friends called me while others texted me they all wished me happiness on this day. Well, I’m happy but I guess birthdays will never be the same unless you spend it with people you love. But the best wish I got from a friend is the wish for freedom & enlightenment.
To my family and friends who gave their wishes for me… I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for you all made a difference in my life. You’ve been my basket of blessings.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Where should I go from here?

Oh dear, I’m about to face another chapter of my life and it sometimes it scares me because I hate the idea of having to rely on others for help. I know in my life God had given me kind hearted people who helped me when I was groping in darkness. But sooner or later I will have to make that giant leap in my life. I’m just thankful that I was able to come up with a firm decision that whatever hindrances that will be placed before me, with my Creator’s help I shall be triumphant over them.

Just hang on little bird. One day you will be able to soar and change your destiny.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006


Debt is the worst poverty. ~Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia, 1732

There are a lot of people in this world that instead of accumulating wealth had been in the streak of accumulating debt.

When you look at them, you will think that they are filthy rich because they have all the material manifestation of a wealthy person. But money corrupts people. So whatever money they’ve borrowed will bring upon them their very own downfall.

Just imagine if your debt would amount to say $20,000,000? Can you sleep? If a person can sleep better at night knowing that he owes the world so much, he must have an unbelievable character worthy to even make a record in Guinness.

So the poor people should not feel so bad after all, yes they may be poor … but they won’t be carrying around in their conscience something so enormous. We should not always worry about what we should eat or what to wear tomorrow because our Creator knows our needs and He will provide. It gives me comfort in my moments of chaos the thought that man is far more important than the birds in the sky or the grass in meadows. If He takes care of those tiny creatures what more man? We also have to do our share in this world… we can’t just sit down and wait for bread to fall down from the sky.

But we have to remember, that we should only limit our borrowings to an extent to which we are able to pay back during the prescribed time given to us. They said too much of everything brings about destruction. Everyone has to learn the art of budgeting because it helps a lot in decision making. We better stick to the necessities that way we never go astray.

Ready for Marriage?

It is a woman’s business to get married as soon as
possible, and a man’s to keep unmarried as long as he can.
- George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman

Oh darn! One by one! Yes! You heard me right… my girlfriends; one by one they are all starting to get into this huge thing called marriage. Doing the planning and working on the details of having that perfect day of their lives. A fantasy comes true.

Well, just seeing them being ecstatic and all will somewhat give you that feeling that the “happy and care free days” will soon be over. Marriage would mean no more late nights for dinner, coffee or donuts. Marriage would also mean no more movie nights and of course the girls’ night out, when we can just lie there and talk about everything under the moonlit sky.

I am beginning to think, marriage spoils fun for people. Oh but I know for sure, those married couple will say that there are some good things about being married. Oh swell! Tell me about it. From what I understand, when someone marries another person, one actually marries the whole family of that person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Just imagine the horror one would go through if you are not approved by the family of your special someone.

Another thing I’ve noticed with my really good friends, if before, we can be as open as possible about our problems, pains and frustrations… well, now they have the tendency of softening the blow they are experiencing because the person who are causing them pains happen to be the significant other. Sometimes, I can’t help but be mad. But what pains me the most is when I hear them utter a word of despair that if only they can turn back time, they would have opted not to marry this guy.

Marriage is not a joke. It is not something people can just get out of when it no longer feels right. Marriage is about trust, respect, sacrifice, compromise and love. This is a huge thing and should not be taken lightly. Couples should not rush into marriage as an escape goat or as a solution to pregnancy. These are all the wrong reasons of settling down. And I know for a fact that a lot of marriages failed due to haste into getting married.

I know it is every girl’s dream to have a fairy tale wedding and a lifetime of bliss with her significant other, but I guess one should note that he/she should get into marriage with eyes both wide open to be able to see things clearly. To all my friends who are about to plunge into this mountain of commitment, it is my earnest hope that you’ve given this whole thing so much thought and emotions but remember where your brain and heart is located and decide accordingly.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Listening Ear

Earlier today, I spent two hours with my student listening to all her ideas, pains, hopes and dreams. I was suppose to teach her a new lesson in English but last night her Aunt spoke to me about what she wanted me to inculcate in the mind of her niece. She wanted to increase the level of my student’s comprehension. She wanted me to put some sense into her. I spent an hour listening to her wishes last night.

On my way home I was like… hello! I have a Herculean task ahead of me. Imagine having to understand the whole story behind my student’s life and helping her rise to her feet to be well equipped in facing the complex world there is out there. I began processing things on my own. I asked myself, at first I took this part-time job to teach the kid how to communicate in English. Now, I’m being asked to do an overhaul. Not that I’m complaining, but my role now is turning out to be a shrink.

I don’t have a clue what shrinks really do except for those I’ve seen on TV, where they give all those recommendations. But to me those are crappy things because who are we to judge or to give a valuable insight when we were never really in the shoe of the patient. They say experience is a good mentor. How can a shrink be so knowledgeable about pains and anguish? Is this something you learn in school? I don’t think so… When you come to think of it, at the end of the day, we only have ourselves to reckon with. Whatever mistakes or failures we’ve committed should not be remedied by others. We have to learn to rise where we fall and garner the strength to move on and make whatever time is left in our lives, count.

In those times when we seemed lost and insecure, we should not turn to shrinks who know nothing about every bit of emotion going on inside us. What we need is a friend who will be there to listen without judgment. Not many people are capable of listening but if ever you will have a friend in need at some point, don’t hesitate to listen and just be there. I’ll let you in a little secret I’ve learned today, listening can be very rewarding. Somehow, you become a part of that person who shared something with you and it opens your eyes to the many blessings you’ve had had and the blessings you are now enjoying. I guess when we are given the gift of listening; we have to put it in to good use. Take note: A GOOD LISTENER IS A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Thoughts to Ponder On

People from different parts of the globe will celebrate the “Hearts Day” next week. I just saw something that I wanted to share to all of my friends. Enjoy rediscovering the essentials of a relationship. The author really made a whole lot of sense here.

Today I will give you a portion of his write up and the rest will be posted tomorrow. So read on...

The Fear That Cripples a Relationship
By Dr H. Norman Wright

Have you ever seen movies of birds engaging in a courtship dance? They’re fascinating and funny. The awkward fowls fluff up their feathers, prance around, dance toward one another, and then retreat. They do this time after time until the courtship rit­ual is finished. Then they get together.

Some people are like this. They move close to a person, but then retreat. Their relationship pattern is a constant pattern of moving closer, then moving away. There seems to be both a strong desire for a lasting relationship, and at the same time an odd reluctance.

“Ambivalence” is another way to describe this situation. If this characterizes you, you’re familiar with the phrase, “Can’t you ever make up your mind?” The inability to decide is a killer when it comes to relationships. With ambivalence as your guide, what you’re doing is operating on the belief that by not making up your mind—by holding out long enough—you’ll eventually make the right decision.

In reality, however, this is a protective move to keep you from taking a risk. An ambivalent person is looking for a guarantee—a certainty of being right. It’s a battle between the heart and the head. Once again, it is fear that underlies this

Fears Both Said and Silent
Many singles experience thoughts and feelings such as the fol­lowing. Have you felt them yourself?

“I don’t think this relationship will be reciprocated. My friend’s needs
will be met, but mine won’t.”

“This relationship takes so much work. I’m afraid I can’t bal­ance the needs I have for closeness as well as independence.”

“I’m afraid of opening up any more. Why? The more he knows about me, the greater the possibility of rejection. I can’t handle that.”

“If I stay in this relationship I could be controlled.”

“If she meets my family, she’ll discover what a weird bunch I come from. It will make her wonder about me.

“What if she becomes too dependent on me?”

“I’m not sure a marriage will be worth giving up the freedom I like so much!”’

Being married carries with it both freedoms and limitations. I’ve talked with men and women who have been in and out of one relationship after another for 25 years. They say they want a lasting relationship, and have been close to someone at times, but one or both decide not to make that final dance toward inti­macy. It’s as though they would rather hold on to their freedom of singleness than exchange it for the freedoms of marriage. They are in some ways driven by fear.

For many it’s a commitment conflict rather than not being able to find anyone. It’s good to approach a lifelong relationship with caution, but some seem downright phobic.

Sometimes relationships are characterized by an overwhelming ambivalence On the one hand the person loves the other and can say it. They may say it very freely at the beginning of a relation­ship—but their safeguard to keeping themselves from marriage is in the word “but.” Those whose hesitation forms a pattern, and who live with the fear of commitment, often make such statements as:

“I love you, but we’re so different it would never work.”
“I love you, but I think I need more time.”
“I love you, but I just don’t deserve you.”
“I love you, but I have too many other issues to work out first.”
“I love you, but I need to be alone right now.”
“I love you, but I’m interested in others as well.”
“I love you, but I’m not sure I’m in love with you. Do you understand?”

These lines play over and over inside of hesitant people’s minds. Only infrequently are they expressed to their partners. And even if they are, usually the other one hears the “I love you, not the “but.”

Guide to Assessing Your Fears

How can you determine whether you or the person you’re inter­ested in has a high level of fear when it comes to making a com­mitment? Consider the following characteristics, which are in the form of personal questions.

1. Do you or your partner have a history of relationships in which one wants more and the other less?

This could take the form of more time, closeness or commit­ment. As you consider the relationships you’ve been in or cur­rently have, do you want more or less?
What about your partner?

Do either of you complain that the other pulls back or with­holds?
Do either of you limit how much is given in order to avoid intimacy?
Do either of you have a pattern of hurting or disappointing partners?
Is one a bit anxious because the other is not giving the secu­rity he or she needs?
Is one pushing the other for more commitment?

On the following scale, indicate where you are in terms of commitment,
and also where you think your partner is:
0 25% 50% 75% 100%
(Forget it!) (Yes! I’m all for it!)
Me _______________________________________

My Partner _______________________________________

Sometimes it’s difficult for couples who are out of synch to ever get together. When one moves closer the other may move away. It becomes a dance
in which the two are always out of step.

2. Have you ever experienced a significant relationship that came to a halt because you or your partner became too fearful of moving ahead?

If this occurred, do you know if it was a feeling of panic or a steady sense of fear? Who was the person that was rejected? Was this the first time, or a pattern?

3. Have you experienced a relationship in which either you or your partner set limitations of some kind on closeness and intimacy (nonsexual)?

Some people are so structured, so cautious, so compartmentalized, that you’d think they invented boundaries! Their concerns may appear so legitimate that you’re unaware that it’s actually a fear of involvement. It may appear to be caution or simple logistics.

A person may limit his time and availability. He may exclude you from specific
areas of his life such as family functions, work, social occasions, certain
friends, or even his church. I’ve seen some indi­viduals who attended the
same church, but the man made it a point never to be seen there together. He
didn’t want them to be known as a couple. There’s a real message in that! A
person like this may not want to share other special occasions or even special
interests. He or she may even set restrictions on how much money you spend
together on outings, or limit gifts to cards. All of these steps seem to have
the purpose of maintaining a certain distance in relationships.

If you or your partner tend to do this, don’t guess about the motivation. It’s clear.
Excluding and being excluded won’t help a relationship to grow.

4. Do you have a tendency to develop relationships when, down deep, you know they would never work out—that the person just doesn’t have what is needed for a rela­tionship?

Some people do this so they will always end up with an escape clause. Usually the difficulties are there to begin with, but they are overlooked or rationalized. They could be differences involv­ing political views, social status, race, age, levels of Christian commitment, or even Christian vs. non-Christian. It’s an attitude that says. “There is too much of this for it to ever work.”

Differences will be in every relationship; but a pattern of seeking them carries a sign saying. “Watch out!”

5. Do you believe there is that “one and only right per­son” for you out there
somewhere, but as you look, the person you actually find is never quite right?

Once again this can be a signal that you seek someone with “too much” of
a negative in his or her life. You just haven’t found the ‘right person’ (and
probably never will).

6. Do you or your partner have a tendency to seek out those who are unavailable for one reason or another?

It could be they’re unavailable relationally. They’re involved with someone else, but you’re still attracted—as well as safe. There can be no commitment with someone whose heart is really elsewhere.

Some potential partners are geographically unavailable. You meet someone at a resort or on a plane, and when you’re togeth­er it’s great. You write, e-mail, fax and phone each other; but the distance adds to the romance rather than the reality.

There are pros and cons to some long-distance relationships. Some couples have said they put more energy and thought into building the relationship than they would if they were together all the time. And they say they don’t take each other for granted.

But if you marry without several months of spending time together in the
same locale, it can be an intense adjustment. Some say that when the
relationship stops being long-distance it can even precipitate a crisis.

In some ways it is reminiscent of the adjustments required by those in
the armed services when they are deployed for six months to another area. Many
marriages experience major adjustments and crises when the serviceman returns to his family. It takes weeks to settle back into a normal routine. So if you’re
involved in a long­ distance relationship, be aware of the crisis potential
when you eventually find yourselves in the same area.

Working side by side with this person for three months—see­ing them under all kinds of stresses and conditions—will clue you in to reality!

I’ve seen some people who seem purposely to connect with what I call the “permanently unavailable.” It gives them a good basis for commitment to be illusive.

Perhaps you can identify other reasons for someone to avoid commitment.
And perhaps this doesn’t apply to you or the other person. But it’s something to

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Easy Listening to Javanese Music

Every Wednesday after office hours I would always get a glimpse of these group of people playing their kind of music. I've been meaning to take their picture ever since I got here and that was like over a year ago but I don't know, it seems to me that every Wednesday I keep forgetting to bring a camera with me. I guess, I'm just so forgetful.
Luckily, last Wednesday my new gadget was with me so I was able to take a picture and a video of these folks. But somehow I can't share the video here so you wouldn't have a chance to listen to their music. The way they hammer on those instruments can give a soothing effect for a restless soul. The voices of the women singing at the top of their lungs and God knows what they were saying coz I don't even understand. I tell you the way things blend with those instruments, it is just magnificent.
Well, I hope you guys will have the chance to visit this part of the world too. They have a rich culture and if you are the type who certainly have knacks for exotic stuff. Indonesia is a place to visit. Very colorful and vibrant country.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

My Kaki Lima

In a foreign land one has to learn to adapt to the environment. Man has this tendency to find a nook wherever in the world he/she may be that sort of provide that sense of belongingness.

In this part of the world where I am now, I find comfort in this place along the side of the main road near my place. You can only see this at around five pm onwards or up until the containers are empty. Here they call it "kaki lima"” which literally means 5 legs. Three of which belongs to the trolley and the other two for the person selling the goods. When, I don't feel like cooking or am tired of eating pork, I usually go to this place where I can have a little chitchat with "Bapak"(literally means father) and enjoy his "soto ayam" (chicken soup). They say chicken soup is good for the body. So I try to at least have a bowl of chicken soup in a week. The soup is really good and it's cheap. Whenever I go there, Bapak already knows how I want my soup to be prepared and I always have a cold bottle of "Teh Botol".

This is a place where I can go and observe people and enjoy their stories. People from different walks of life somehow merge in this small place to have a taste of this sumptuous “soto ayam”. In this place also, I feel like I belong because just like everyone else I’ve met, they think I’m Indonesian. In a place like this, it feels good to know that somehow I can blend with them. But even if I am able to adapt, my heart is still in RP. There will never be any place better than Home. For the meantime however, my favorite "kaki lima" gives me that sense comfort even if I’m away from home.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

A Day Spent in Solitude

It was a peaceful day for me. I enjoyed doing my cross stitch while watching a series. Even if things looked a bit disarray it gave me a sense of comfort. I will always cherish moments like this. It helps me in a lot of ways because it allows me to process things.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Is it really worth it?

One of our brethren in church had a skiing accident during the holidays. The first time I saw her with crutches was really a blow in my gut because I never imagined that such an independent person has now become dependent on others.

But despite her condition she continues to manifest that zest for life. She even told me that all the pain was worth it because skiing gives her that sense of freedom. She feels invincible while skiing down those slopes.

Contemplating on her views made me realize that there are some pains and anguish that we go through in life that can fall under the category of being "worth it". I can't help but admire those people who take on big risks regardless of what the outcome may be.

As for me, I still prefer the idea of taking a calculated risk. It gives me a sense of security somehow.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

When Enough is Enough

It was 3:30 a.m. in my watch when I woke up from a dream. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided to just scribble something down. I guess I wasn’t alone coz after a couple minutes I got a SMS from one of my girlfriends in HK. She’s one of those lonely hearts nowadays but I know she’ll snap out of it when time comes.

I just wanted share this song I heard this morning when I woke up and I guess this is my subtle way of putting my message across.

If the Feeling is Gone
Ella Mai Saison

If the feeling is gone
Please don’t pretend
That you still love me
I can see it in your eyes
And it hurts to admit it
But I can tell that the feeling is gone

All I ask is just a little honesty
Though I know you’re not coming back to me
You know I’ll do everything to make you stay
But I just have to let you go
If the feeling is gone

There’s a sadness in your smile
But you try to conceal it
I can tell that the feeling is gone

All I ask is just a little honesty
Though I know you’re not coming back to me
You know I’ll do everything to make you stay
But I just have to let you go
If the feeling is gone

TouchĂ©! Sometimes, we expect to be told that certain things are over. We deserve some honesty because in one way or another we are part of the whole picture. There will never be an easy way to break somebody else’s heart but some things are inevitable. If you know there will not be a substantial thing between you and this person you consider special then maybe it’s time to say enough is enough. Ate Cons, hope you’ll be able to read this.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006


Yesterday I read the news about this kid from UPLB who passed away a couple of days ago due to hazing. I felt sad that up until now there are still people who advocate intense form of welcoming neophytes into their so-called brotherhood. This kid happens to be our brod in our academic org. My brods and sisses are saying he is a vibrant kid who contributes well in our org.

Not one member of our org knew he was joining this fraternity. This fact of course raised a few eyebrows. One brod said we ought to look out for the welfare of one another. Now is certainly not the time to point a finger at one another. This is one of those times when silence and prayers will go a long, long way. The loss of a friend is like a loss of the limb. No amount of words can provide comfort perhaps. But even if we are unable to say something nice let’s just be there and say a prayer for the family and friends of the passerby.

In the world we live in, we all make choices. Whatever we choose we can’t blame others for the repercussions. Life is short so we better make the most of it. In this world we are all passersby, no matter how long we reside here let’s make it a point that we make a difference in other people’s lives. It is not always about the length of time but how we’ve lived our lives that counts.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Confusion or Fear

I was trying to get a couple of minutes rest during my lunch break when my attention was caught by this pile of papers that stood in this space ever since I can remember. No one even bothered arranging it for fear that the owner of these pile of papers or garbage might get lost when she comes back.

Then a thought struck me. This thing being portrayed by the picture clearly depicts the type of feelings I had yesterday. Everyday they say we encounter something new. Sometimes, we like what we experience and sometimes we are hurt by the things we thought would make us happy.

I'm sure every single person here wants to get into a relationship. There will always be a time when you know in your heart that you wanted to be with someone. We have this strong desire for a long lasting relationship but somehow when we are about to plunge into the relationship we feel an odd reluctance of actually being involve. "Ambivalence" is another way to describe the situation. In reality, however, this is a protective move to keep you from taking a risk. An ambivalent person is looking for a guarantee—a certainty of being right. It's a battle between the heart and the head.

A friend of mine once told me; that I should stop rationalizing things and that I should just follow what my heart tells me. I told her that I will never agree with her on that because I've tried listening to my heart and where did I land? In a miserable situation that I will never choose to do all over again. Now, I guess I'm allowed another shot at life. Another shot at loving and being loved in return but why am I still afraid to reciprocate a love handed over to me. There could be many reasons. I'm afraid I will never be good enough to handle things. Another thing could be my fear that other people will not approve of "us". And really the big issue is the differences in our beliefs. Who ever said loving is an easy thing to do? In my case it's too complicated and it sucks but should I be afraid of taking a risk? I shouldn't be. A friend of mine told me the other week to lift everything up to my Creator and He will provide me the answers. True enough, I know which way to go now.

In my moment of confusion and fear He gave me the strength to stand up and face my problem. Not everything is life should be borne alone because we have a friend in Him. When all else fail, He will shed light to our bleak path and carry us on His shoulders that we may be triumphant in our every endeavor. Will I fear to love? No! Because this is what keeps the world going. And one thing is for sure in every joy and pain we experience in loving, we become better people. Oooppsss! By the way that is a man's choice. So it's up to you if you will choose to be happy or you will choose to be gloomy. I, however chose LIFE!

Friday, January 13, 2006


Last January 1 I went to the airport to see some friends off as they embark for Japan. Just a quick glimpse at this little kid and holding him in my arms made me realize that really as fast as the days are passing me by, then the wait will never be long.

Last January 4, I saw another friend off as she left for China. She didn't like the idea of seeing us before she left but I told her, I will feel sad if I didn't see her off.

Whoever said parting ways is easy? It never was and never will be but I gain comfort in the thought that whatever oceans or continents that separate me from my family and friends, those things will never hamper me from being a friend for them in every little way I can.

Separation is inevitable. It happens to everyone; it's just a matter of coming to terms with life’s realities. That no matter how we hold on to someone, there will always come a point in our lives when they will leave us behind and we have to let them go with open arms. That is the true essence of loving.

They may not leave us physically but somehow people can distance themselves from us. They say the only constant thing in life is change so we have to ride with it. Was it just yesterday when I spent most of my times hanging out with my girlfriends as we explored life and found how wonderful it was to be free. Now everyone is settling down and starting a family. I can't drag them out of their houses to travel and just see places. The reply would be, "I can't go coz baby needs me" or "I can't stay late because baby is waiting for me." I know this is just a phase in our lives I have to get used to. I don't feel bad at all because I've come to terms with the changes that around me. I'm happy that our family has gotten bigger and I'm happy to note that no matter how many changes happen in our lives my friends and I will be the kind of friends we've always been to each other. The simple joys in life come from knowing that come hell and high waters we have friends who will be there through and through.


People from different places vary in the manner they decide over certain things. In Indonesia, people always had a habit of taking their time out deciding on certain things like they have all the time in the world to contemplate on things before blurting out whatever it is they want to do in life. In my home country however, decisions are concluded in matter of minutes or seconds.

When I got back I had to decide on certain things for my family but it seems to me that I’m contending with too many forces. I even came to a point when I said, “What the heck it’s their life anyway. Let them choose whatever path they want to take.” I can only do so much. When do we ever say we’ve had enough of all the things going on around us? One thing I’m sure of family will always be family. You may not always agree on things but the love and respect that should be accorded to one another should remain. So I guess I will continue putting up with whatever it is that my family will do and decide. Should I tire? I guess I never should.